On Orgasms - "Ohhhhh..."

       Different girls get different looks on their faces when they orgasm.  Or, hey, sometimes the same girl gets different looks with different orgasms.

       There's the ones who tilt their head back way back, clench their teeth, and make this hissing sound that makes you momentarily freak out and think, "Oh, shit - I'm in bed with the devil!"  Then there are the ones that do that shuddering, guttural moan, "Unnnnnhhhh...".   Then there are the ones that just have this really wide smile spread across their face, that makes you have the somewhat idiotic thought, "Gee, she looks happy."  Personally, I kind of prefer the ones who scream out, "Oh...God...DAMN!", in such a way that I can inwardly smile and nod, thinking, "Yeah, all right, I nailed that one dead-on perfect."  (What with my innate insecurity, I need that reinforcement that I'm doing a good job.  I'm kidding, but not really - for about five years, every time I was in bed with a girl, I felt like I was taking a final exam or something - and terrified of making anything less than an "A+".)

(Just to note:  My reciprocal of that one is a forcefully groaned, "Jeezus Christ...", usually followed shortly thereafter - soon as I catch my breath - by a chuckled observation of, "Damn, that felt good.")

       I wonder what the hell atheists yell out when they orgasm?? - What? - something like, "Oh, nothingness!"??

       But I wanted to tell you about this kind of spooky one, that you don't see very often.  That's the one where the girl gets this really wide-eyed look, like she's a bit fearfully/apprehensively wondering, "Oh my God - What's happening to me?", like it's something she's never experienced before.  (Which, let's face it, this day and age is very damned unlikely if she's over the age of 12.)  Any event, had that happen once, and the really interesting part was the way she grabbed hold of my hand (rather tightly, I might add).  I don't know, there was just something about that tableaux...I mean, since I was, in some sense, the "perpetrator" of this event, it just struck me as being a bit like someone clinging to their attacker for comfort, in the midst of being assaulted.  Something like that.  Anyway, it sort of genuinely spooked me for some reason.  For some time (three weeks, maybe?) thereafter, I consciously made an effort to only induce "light" orgasms.  That doesn't work at all though - it's kind of like the more quietly you try to open a door, the louder a noise it makes.

       The only ones that really "bother" me are the ones who just do that rapid, shallow panting thing - I always fear, "Oh my God - I made her have a stroke!  Damn, I hate it when that happens."  Anyway, I'm always extremely relieved when they regain the power of speech.

       I'm not really sure I had a point in writing this entry, or, if I did, it must have gotten lost along the way.  Anyway, girls are funny.  Not funny "haha", funny "interesting".  They make some interesting faces anyway.  Guys, on the other hand, I think mostly make "stupid" faces when they come...but, what the hell, we're stupid, so it fits.

P.S.  I guess I should throw in here (only because I'm unlikely to ever be able to - logically - use it anyplace else) an old Jewish American Princess joke (that I can get away with telling because a Jewish American Princess told it to me).  How can you tell when a Jewish American Princess has an orgasm?...She drops her emery board.